I request permission for a leave of absence from the highest authority in my life for the following
period:
| Date: | Time of departure: | Time of return: |
Should permission be granted, I do solemnly swear to only visit the locations stated
below, at the stated times. I agree to refrain from hitting on or flirting with other
women. I shall not even speak to another female, except as expressly permitted in
writing below. I will not turn off my cell after two pints, nor shall I consume above the
allowed volume of alcohol without first phoning for a taxi AND calling you for a
verbal waiver of said alcohol allowance. I understand that even if permission is
granted to go out, my girlfriend/fiancé/wife retains the right to be pissed off with me he
following week for no valid reason whatsoever.
| Amount of alcohol allowed (units) | |||||||
| Beer: | Wine: | Liquor: | Total: | ||||
Locations to be visited |
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| Location: | From: | To: | |||
| Location: | From: | To: | |||
| Location: | From: | To: | |||
|
Females with whom conversation is permitted |
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IMPORTANT - STRIPPER CLAUSE: Not with standing the female contact
permitted above, I promise to refrain from coming within one hundred (100)
feet of a stripper or exotic dancer. Violation of this Stripper Clause shall be
grounds for immediate termination of the relationship.
I acknowledge my position in life. I know who wears the trousers in our relationship,
and I agree it's not me. I promise to abide by your rules & regulations. I understand
that this is going to cost me a fortune in chocolates & flowers. You reserve the right to
obtain and use my credit cards whenever you wish to do so. I hereby promise to take
you on an unlimited shopping spree, should I not return home by the approved time.
On my way home, I will not pick a fight with any stranger, nor shall I conduct in depth
discussions with the said entity. Upon my return home, I promise not to urinate
anywhere other than in the toilet. In addition, I will refrain from waking you up,
breathing my vile breath in your face, and attempting to breed like a (drunken) rabbit.
I declare that to the best of my knowledge (of which I have none compared to my BETTER half),
the above information is correct.
Signed - Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband:
Request is: APPROVED DECLINED
"..............................................................................................................................................
Permission for my boyfriend/fiancé/husband to be away for the following period of time:
| Date: | Time of departure: | Time of return: |
Signed - Girlfriend/Fiancé/Wife: